"Pigeons" Grand Finale!

Happy Thanksgiving to my American readers! To my readers from another country, today is a special day in America. Thanksgiving is a holiday that we celebrate in remembrance of the pioneers who first came to our country seeking the freedom and prosperity that their homelands could not deliver. 

When they arrived in the New World, they found it populated by gigantic, murderous, mutant turkeys. They suffered many hardships at the hands of their poultry overlords. Finally, after four years of captivity, John M. Giving lead a rebellion and overthrew the turkeys, driving them back into the sea, where they remain to this day, biding their time. Waiting. 

Every year at Thanksgiving, we slay and eat a turkey as a reminder of John M. Giving's sacrifice, and to frighten the turkeys back to their watery tombs for another year. 

If you're tempted to feel sorry for your thanksgiving turkey this week, just remember: some birds have it coming. 

The pigeons in my "Pigeons" series, for instance. They had it coming all along. This (double length!) tenth episode of Pigeons concludes the series. It's the longest cartoon I've ever drawn in such detail, and it was a blast. I'll have another series coming up soon. In the meantime, enjoy this cartoon, and enjoy your thanksgiving! NEVER FORGET!!

Make sure you can follow the story- the previous chapters in the "epic" pigeon "saga" (using those words a bit liberally, I acknowledge) are below. Each is only one page, they're quick reads. Chapter one, two, three, four, five, six,  seven,  eight., and nine.

And now, without further ado, the finale of "Pigeons".  

Guns for Little Girls Who Like Guns

Yes, I ought to be busting my hump working on a new Pigeon cartoon. All in due time, friends. For the moment, however, I want to rage. 

While watching cartoons online last night (no shame), I saw a commercial that made my lips recede in the sort of involuntary snarl that only bad marketing and spoiled milk can illicit. 

The girl with the bow appears to have spotted a 12-point buck offscreen.

In an effort to make their product appealing to girls, Nerf has released a new line of plastic weaponry called "Rebelle". The toy line features a "heartbreaker bow", "guardian crossbow" and (I swear I'm not making this up) the "pink crush blaster", as well as handful of cute accessories to go with, all in garish shades of pink and purple. 

Remember girls- match your outfit to your gun, never your gun to your outfit.

Also, incidentally, the darts look like teeny little lipsticks.

Someone out there (let's assume it's you) is probably saying, "But Aaron, what's wrong with Nerf guns for girls? Shouldn't girls get to play with Nerf guns too? Isn't this a step up from Barbies on the stairway of feminism?" 

Now, I'm not a woman OR a parent, so I can't claim to speak as either, but as an educated human being with two brain cells to rub together, I will say: No. It isn't.

Don't get me wrong, there's nothing inherently wrong with these toys- until you compare them to the other Nerf guns that are, by virtue of them not being covered in purple eagle prints, marketed at boys:

This dart gun could be used to commit a war crime.

  

 
Now that's a boys Nerf gun! Three darts per second? This thing looks like it should require a background check and two week waiting period to purchase. 

So why do toys for girls suck? That my friend is the wrong question. What the R&D department at Nerf ought to be asking is this: Why aren't we marketing our regular Nerf guns to girls as well as boys? Why do none of the commercials for "regular" Nerf guns feature girls alongside boys in the make-believe firefight for control of the dining room?

By making a special set of Nerf guns in pink with matching accessories, Nerf is saying that  yes, while girls can play with our toys, here are the ones we're going to make for you. Because girls don't care if a gun shoots darts fast enough that it ought to be outlawed by the Geneva Conventions, unless it is also pink and comes with cute accessories. Because those are the things that girls value in pretend weaponry- pink, purple, and wing prints, not sheer do-not-aim-at-the-eyes destructive force.

All I know is this- if ever I have little girls and they want to join in the Nerf war with the boys down the street, they're going to go in armed to the teeth. By the time the war is over the phrase "you shoot like a girl!" will illicit flinches and memories of nickle-sized bruises. Because I care.

"Pigeons", part 9

Good news faithful readers!
#1: I'm alive! I was hit by the head cold freight train earlier this week and it knocked me off my feet. Thus, the lateness of this post. Hashtag excuses.

#2: October is finished, and that means it's time to get back to business! And by business I mean pigeons (pigeoness?). For your enjoyment, the ninth part in my (soon to be concluded) epic pigeon saga!

(I've heard from several people who read my previous posts that the story doesn't make much sense. It's like walking into a movie when it's halfway through- you probably need to start at the beginning. That said, here are the earlier posts. Each is only one page, they're quick reads. Chapter one, two, three, four, five, six,  seven, and eight.)