Wednesday, December 2, 2009

"Twilight" review, pg. 110

Okay, I admit it.
I'm reading Twilight. But not because I think it's a beautiful, riveting literary masterpiece. It's junk food, plain and simple. In an effort to maintain my masculinity, I'm going to blog a play-by-play review of the book.

What qualifies me, a writer with only one published (picture) book to review a New York Times bestselling novel? The Internet, that's what.

I'm on page 110, chapter 6 so far.
My first critique is that the characters don't seem to act like real people would act. Bella takes everything that Edward does way more personally than a real person would. After he saves her life from the speeding van, she doesn't seem at all shaken up or frightened after the life-threatening incident. She only seems pissed off at Edward for not answering her questions and pointlessly self conscious when "I almost died of humiliation when they put on the neck brace". Not a trace or residual fear. Come on.

Edward is sullen, then suave, then amused, then angry, then violent, then amused again. He tells her to go away, then asks her to go out of town with him, then tells her to go away again. For a hundred year old vampire (OMG SPOILER!) he sure acts like a professional teenager. I fail to see any chemistry whatsoever between him and Bella, besides the fact that she puts up with his misogynistic bullcrap.

I really am trying to keep an open mind about the writing style, but it's very difficult when, in chapter 1, Meyer writes:
"But all this is not why I couldn't look away."
(the quotes are mine- the line is written as internal dialogue).
Bella's first view of Edward contains both a double-negative and tense confusion ('is' in present tense, 'couldn't' in past tense). Good grief.
"But Aaron, if you don't like it, why are you even reading it?" You might ask.
Because I can't understand the torrent of hype associated with the "Twilight Phenomenon". The fact that this stinker is a best seller is literarily fascinating to me.

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